Posts

Permission Denied: The Day I Realised Playing Safe Was Costing Me Too Much”

-
Image
This morning, I woke up and one word would not leave me alone: audacious. It did not come quietly. It came with questions. Hard ones. Have I really been bold this year? Or have I just been doing enough to feel comfortable? So I sat with it. I started reflecting. And I realised something that surprised me. I have been audacious. Not in loud, dramatic ways. But in the quiet, difficult decisions that require honesty and courage. I looked at my finances. Properly. No excuses. No avoidance. I asked myself how I have been spending, what I have been tolerating, and what needs to change. That alone took courage. It is easier to ignore money than to confront it. Then I made a decision to do better.  To save. To become intentional. To build something that will outlive me. I stepped into investments. Stocks and shares. I will be honest, I did not feel fully ready. But I refused to wait for perfect knowledge. I chose to start. That is audacity. I took on projects that still stretch...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Morning My Life Made Sense

-
Image
There is a moment many people do not talk about enough.  It is that quiet realization that life is only just beginning to make sense, not in your 20s, not in your 30s, but much later.  It can feel unsettling at first. You start asking hard questions. Why now?  What changed?  What was missing before? The truth is simple, even if it is not always comfortable. Nothing went wrong. You did not miss your life. You were becoming the person who could carry it. What you are experiencing is not delay.  It is alignment.  Late bloomers are not behind.  They are people whose clarity, confidence, and capacity were built over time, not rushed. And when it clicks, it clicks deeply. You are not just chasing success. You understand it. You can sustain it. Look at Warren Buffett. He made investments early, yes, but the bulk of his wealth came after his 50s. His discipline, patience, and long-term thinking matured over decades. That level of clarity cannot be ...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Mother’s Real Assignment: Modeling Life

-
Image
Today is Mother's Day, and to be honest, it did not really occur to me that it was a special day until I stepped into church this morning. At the entrance, some of the Spakle team members were standing there as greeters. They welcomed everyone walking into the building and handed small love notes to the mothers.  One of them gave me one.  I opened it and read the message. It was simple, but it was thoughtful. I smiled. That was the moment it sank in. Today is Mother's Day. And in that small moment, I felt seen.  Being acknowledged as a mother felt warm and comforting. Later, when I got back home, I kept thinking about that moment. It stirred something deeper inside me. I began asking myself a serious question. Have I truly been a mother to my children? I am not talking about the usual markers people use to measure motherhood. Not just raising children who do well in school, get good grades, and go through life appearing successful.  Those things are good,...
2 comments
Read more

Boundaries, Conflict, and the Courage to Stay Honest

-
Image
Why Love Grows When Two People Stop Performing and Start Telling the Truth There is a quiet lie we tell couples, especially men. We dress it up as wisdom and pass it off as humour. “Just keep the peace.” “Do whatever your spouse says.” “Happy wife, happy life.” It sounds harmless. It sounds mature. It sounds like sacrifice. In reality, it teaches emotional self-erasure. Peace that is bought with silence is not peace.  It is postponement.  It is resentment waiting for language. If love is a skill, then boundaries and conflict resolution are not optional extras. They are core competencies.  You cannot build intimacy without friction. You cannot grow trust without disagreement. You cannot sustain desire where one person keeps shrinking to make room for another. There is a Yoruba saying: “ Bi a kò bá jà, a kò ní mọ ara wa.” If we do not disagree, we do not truly know each other. Marriage is not sustained by avoiding conflict. It is sustained by learning how to fac...
Post a Comment
Read more

When Love Hurts, Learn the Skill of Emotional Regulation

-
Image
A Nigerian proverb: “The mouth that speaks in anger breaks the pot of peace.” Many relationships do not fall apart because love is absent. They fall apart because emotions are unmanaged. Love hurts not because people do not care, but because they do not know what to do with what they feel.  Anger, fear, disappointment, shame, insecurity, and unmet expectations pile up, and when they finally come out, they come out loud, sharp, and destructive. We often excuse this by saying, “That’s just how I am,” or “I was only being honest.” But honesty without regulation is not maturity. It is emotional dumping. Emotional regulation is one of the most important skills in love, yet it is rarely taught. What Emotional Regulation Really Means Emotional regulation does not mean suppressing your feelings or pretending everything is fine. It does not mean silence, endurance, or swallowing pain. It means being aware of what you are feeling, understanding why you are feeling it, and choosin...
Post a Comment
Read more

Listening Is Not Passive: Love as the Skill of Understanding

-
Image
 “Wisdom is not in talking plenty, but in hearing well.” Most people believe they are good communicators because they talk often. Very few ask a harder question: Do I listen well enough to understand, or only to respond? Love does not break down because people stop talking. It breaks down because people stop listening with intent. Listening is not passive. It is an active skill. And in love, it is one of the most demanding skills to master. Why Talking Feels Easier Than Listening Talking gives a sense of control. You get to shape the narrative, defend your position, and assert your needs.  Listening, on the other hand, requires restraint. It requires curiosity. It requires setting aside your ego long enough to enter another person’s inner world. Many of us were raised in environments where listening was selective. Children were told to listen, but adults were rarely modelled listening. Conversations were hierarchical, not mutual. So we grew up knowing how to speak,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Love Is Not What You Feel, It Is What You Practice

-
Image
Nigerian proverb: “Love does not sit idle; it works with the hands.” There is a quiet crisis in how we talk about love today. We talk about how it feels, how it excites us, how it overwhelms us, and sometimes how it disappoints us.  We rarely talk about how it is practiced. From movies to social media, love is sold as chemistry.  Butterflies.  Passion.  Effortless connection.  When those feelings dip, panic sets in.  People begin to ask dangerous questions.  Have I fallen out of love?  Did I marry the wrong person?  Is something wrong with me? In many African cultures, those questions were not the starting point of marriage.  Elders did not ask couples if they felt butterflies.  They asked if they were ready. Ready to learn patience.  Ready to work through conflict. Ready to take responsibility for another human being. That wisdom matters now more than ever. Love is not sustained by emotion alone. Emotions fluctuate...
Post a Comment
Read more